megatronix

“Now, listen here, lad. We need this whole thing swabbed today, ya hear?” I say to the young man in front of me.

“Aye, Cap’n,” he says, his voice as sincere as could be. As it always is.

“OK, so, I hear ye saying ‘aye.’ And I feel like ye mean ‘aye.’ But I really, REALLY need ye to work with me here. This ship’s a team effort here, son. Savvy?”

“Aye! It is! Yes, Madame Captain, I’ll do my best!”

“Ok. Because... I mean, last time, I asked ye, and yet, the deck still looked dull as my ol’ Auntie Edith, bless her heart. That is, i' t’weren’t clean at all, if you recollect...” I say. I put my leg upon the wooden crate next to me and lean in against the sway of the boat as it bobs over the waves.

The young lad looks down at his boots. Then his soft brown eyes dare to look up, to meet my own. “Aye, Captain. ‘Tis true. This time, I promise. Naught can stop me!”

“That’s the spirit!” I say with a grin and clap the boy on the shoulder heartily.

The lad beams at me.

“Right, then. I’ll be below deck, fussing with my maps, and doing other such captainly pursuits. You, though? You’re in charge of swabbing this deck.” I grab the mop handle, and thrust it forth.

He takes it into his hand and beams at me. “Aye-aye, Cap’n!”

“That’s a good lad!” I say and pat his shoulder once more before retreating down the narrow staircase to the quarters below.

After a time, I hear scuffling and scrambling overhead. I look at the hourglass I’d set, and the last grain of sand tumbles down. More scrambling overhead. A light crack in the air, and something scratch-scurries its way across the ceiling. Whatever that is on the deck, it is most certainly NOT the sound of steady moppin’ and tidyin’!

I march away from the table. I can feel my face muscles pull into a scowl as I stomp up the steps. “What in Neptune’s great kingdom is going on up here?!” I shout.

“Captain! I’m sorry!” says the lad as he runs over, holdin’ his hat to his head with one hand, other hand flappin’ as he tries to stay upright, slippin’ and slidin’ all the way over to me.

I take stock o’ the ship. There’s dots an’ streaks of black sludge slathered all over the deck, astern to bow. My jaw drops. I gesticulate wildly with my hands, while only sputtering noises escape me.

He cowers. “I- ... I... I don’t rightly know what happened, Madame Captain, sir. It’s... It’s the oddest thing. These kittens. They just... appeared!”

I stare at him, deadpan. “Kittens.”

“Aye, Captain! I know, it sounds crazy, but-”

I cut him off by holding a hand up.

He quietly holds his hat in his hands and trembles.

“This is a right mess. It’s worse than when I left ye! I’m so far past the line of cross I can’t even be seein’ it no more, and I don’t need any fibs about KITTENS.”

“I swear it, Madame Captain!” he cries.

As he speaks, a kind of crack sounds in the distance. A black speck appears in the sky. What is that? A bird? It grows before me eyes! It’s a right large crow, flying straight at us. I duck, but it’s too late. The bird smacks right into my chest. And I feel a pain like I been hammered with a club of sharp nails!

“Mew,” the crow says.

“This is no crow,” I say, pulling the clump away from me, eyeing the teensy cutlasses at the end of its wee paws. I drop it on the deck, where it skitter-scrambles away. “WHY is there a KITTEN covered in TAR on my SHIP?!” I screech.

“This is what I’m sayin’, I don’t understand it, I started moppin’, and next thing I know, these landed, and I been trying to grab ‘em, and there’s not just one, Cap’n, there’s loads...”

“Stop! STOP! Lemme think and stop runnin’ yer mouth, lad!”

Another crack sounds in the air.

“Cap’n, watch out!” the lad cries.

I duck again, and another mass of black hits the deck with a squelch, then gives a tiny, happy, “mew,” and that mass scrambles off too. “Huh, they do just land on their feet,” I mutter.

The lad chases after it.

“STOP chasing them!” I command.

“But I’ve almost got them! I can'na' stop now, Cap’n!” he shouts, not even looking back once. He runs straight through the tar, dragging it across the deck, eyes glued to the newest kitten.

“Mew!” I hear from the left. Another, “MEW!” answers in response on my right.

I glower into the distance, and on the horizon, I see it. The outline of... well, of something headed straight for us. It comes closer and closer, at great speed, and as it does, I see a mess o’ mirrors wound up in knotted rope hanging from the mast. Both masts. Wait. Each of three masts?! What am I even lookin’ at here?

Bright colored ribbons of various lengths whip wildly in the wind. A cannon on this odd skipper makes a crack in the air, and suddenly – SPLICK. “Mew!” the black blob announces happily. And that one scuttles off, too. “Mew! Mew! Mew!” the kittens cry, echoes coming from every direction as they sprint around the ship.

I ROAR with all my might – “STOPPPPP!” but it is no use.

“Aah!” I cry and cover my eyes, as the glare of one of the incoming ship’s mirrors throws sunbeams directly into my face. “CURSES!” I cry.

“Is that any way to greet a friend?” a deep voice bellows out. I look up again, and the ship with three masts, a sprinklin’ of mirrors, and a herd of kittens running in all directions, has pulled up just next to ours.

“FRIEND?” I ask, incredulous. “What kind of friend pelts someone with tar covered kittens?”

“Here, kitty, kitty,” cries the lad as he runs past me. *stick stick stick* His tar covered footsteps are destroying my current patience AND any spare wells I might’ve had for at least the next fortnight!

“LAD! STOP!” I cry, to no avail. He doesn’t even hear me. Sometimes I think I’d’ve tossed him overboard ages ago if he weren’t me own kin!

The tall man on the other ship chuckles to himself. “He won’t stop,” he says, and strokes his long black beard.

“Why are you doing this to us?” I ask.

“I am Captain Aydee, Hinderus Distractora, ruler of these seas. I need no reason to do as I please!” He set his hands on his hips, proud as a peacock. “You can call me Captain Aydee, H.D., if you please.”

“You... You must have a reason for launching these kittens over here, surely?” I pry.

He smiles widely at me. “I don’t always launch them from a cannon. See?” He picks up a kitten, dunks it in a bucket of tar at his feet, and tosses it toward me. It lands on the edge of the ship’s railings. “Mew!” it announces and jumps aboard.

“That doesn’t answer me question at all!”

Cap’n Aydee laughs heartily. “What? Anyway! I just do what I want. And right now, I want to do this!”

“You right bastard,” I sneer.

“I know, right?” he says, with a pompous air about him.

“GO AWAY!” I shout.

“Oh, ALL RIGHT, I will. But... I’ll be back. And you’ll never guess when. I just come and go as I please.”

“Just GO!” I shout.

He shrugs. “Fine, fine,” he says. And he calls to someone to steer the ship a different direction. Is that-? Is that a monkey at the helm?? Before I can rightly tell, the ship pulls away, and I watch him go, rainbow ribbons, shiny mirrors, and sails pointed every which way.

I shake my head. I survey the damage, then take a deep breath. I call out to the lad.

“Yes, Cap’n?” he asks. He’s holding 4 sticky kittens in his arms as he runs up to me.

“Wash these kittens. There’s a good soap should do it downstairs.”

“By myself?”

“Nay,” I say. I reach out and ruffle his hair and give him a wee smile. “I’m afraid to leave ye alone after that. Weird things like this always seem to occur around ye, lad.”

“That weird Captain guy, I maybe’ve seen him before? I reckon he follows me.”

“Aye,” I say with a nod. “Methinks ye may be right about that, lad. Come, let’s wash up these kittens.”

We scrub and wash and scrub some more, and it’s hours that go by before we’re through. But at last, the kittens are all clean, and all tuckered out. It’s time to turn in, but I don’t know that I can. Not just yet. I tell the lad to turn in while I go to the deck to throw down soapy water mixed with the ol’ deck shinin’ oil, and scrub heartily to clean up the footprints of so many kittens and one excitable lad. I do what I can under the light of the moon before heading back below deck.

I feel the ache in my bones. I make sure the young lad is tucked into his bed, soft quilt wrapped around him. His rosy cheeks and long lashes give him the look of angel. It’s been a long day. A pile of kittens sleeps soundly on the bed with him.

I sigh, and strip down to me skivvies, and crawl into me own bed. I watch the kittens, and me boy, and smile. What adventures will tomorrow bring? For now, it’s quiet, and at least I know whatever may come our way, we’ll face it, and we’ll do just fine, as long as we do it together.